


If It Kills Me

by SpiraledIntoThisRabbithole



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 11:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15772782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiraledIntoThisRabbithole/pseuds/SpiraledIntoThisRabbithole
Summary: Tessa and Scott are old childhood best friends who reunite while in the midst of a reality television dance competition.The So You Think You Can Dance AU one-shot no one asked for.





	If It Kills Me

**Author's Note:**

> The first and last time I tried to write fanfiction, I was around 12. I quickly discovered I much prefer to read than to write, and that was the end of it.
> 
> However there’s just something about these two ice dancers that has made me try and actually write again! So here I am, trying my hand at a one shot, and I would appreciate any feedback or constructive criticism you might have.
> 
> In terms of inspiration, there is a brilliant and wonderful DWTS AU in this fandom that I absolutely adore and reread too many times to count. Also I have just been waiting and hoping for months that someone else might try their hand at a SYTYCD AU or perhaps World of Dance AU (I’m loving all the ballet AUs btw). 
> 
> The next thing I knew, this happened. I apologise for my efforts, but I had to get this out of my system.

“Tutu, is that you?”

Tessa completes her stretch and turns around to see warm, hazel eyes that were so, so familiar to her. She flashes back to wild, unruly brown hair and a mischievous grin that fuelled her childhood so many summers ago, before her world shifts back to the present and she finds that her body has automatically flung itself into the arms of that delighted voice.

“Scott! I can’t believe it!” It would only be seconds later when her introverted nature would cringe at her over enthusiastic reaction but in that moment, she cannot help but give the biggest hug she’s ever remembered starting. Startled, she tries to pull herself away, but the arms around her embrace her even more tightly, and even swings her around in a quick circle.

“My favourite ballerina. T, it’s been so long!” Scott Moir, her old childhood best friend who she hasn’t seen since the Virtue family had to move away from Canada, finally puts her down and she gets her first proper look at him.

_Oh dear…_ This isn’t the rambunctious boy she remembers or the teary 14 year old she’s weeping over as they say their final goodbyes.

This Scott Moir is all grown up… and hot? Really hot?

Her eyes quickly take in his jawline as Scott pulls her away into the corner and from the prying lens of the cameramen wandering around the room.

“I remember we used to watch So You Think You Can Dance in the basement and joke about one day auditioning together, but I can’t believe we are both here at Academy Week. What an amazing coincidence, eh,” he murmurs as Tessa’s heart starts to flutter in her chest. “Come on, tell me what I’ve missed in your life...”

*****

A few days later, Tessa finally makes the call to her sister, Jordan, informing her of her unexpected reunion with Scott.

“Wait, little Scottie Moir is there as well? How is he doing? Do you think he’ll make it to the live shows with you,” Jordan exclaims as Tessa leans back against the headboard of her hotel bed.

“Well, there’s one more round of cuts before we’ll know, and the whole week has been brutal with the different choreography rounds and the culling by the judges. And the girls left here are so good. But Scott’s definitely going to make it. He’s still brilliant and clearly better than most of the guys here,” Tessa says.

She thinks back to overhearing one of their beloved dance instructors, Suzanne, murmur under her breath about “once-in-a-generation talent” and can’t help but agree.

She gets breathless when she watches him dance now.

“Like you aren’t clearly better than all the girls there as well. Ok, since you’re both going to make it then, I bet you would be brilliant together if you ever get the chance to pair up!” Jordan sounds amused, with a hint of the same impatience whenever she thinks Tessa is being particular hard on herself.

“Actually, we did choose to partner together for the Latin choreography round. I wore that fabulous gold fringe dress, and Scott was all in black as usual. But even though it’s neither of our styles,” Tessa smiles fondly, “I think we totally killed it!”

The judges seemed to think so as well, and Tessa really, _really_ hopes the judges will take into account her and Scott’s versatility when they make their final decisions.

“There you go. So how has it been like reuniting with Scott after all this time? And do you have a picture of him? I want to see how he looks like now,” Jordan says.

Tessa feels herself pause too long, and fumbles to say that she is sending a photo of him over. She then stutters trying to respond quickly about how they are completely caught up and it’s like his her best friend again and absolutely nothing has changed. And how great it is that the two of them are going through this epic journey together and can support each other through everything...

The silence on the other end of the phone lengthens, ebbs, and then a gentle “Oh Tessa” washes over her. “I guess it’s not surprising you would be crushing on him again, especially since he’s grown up pretty well and is thankfully past his shaved head phase”.

Tessa feels herself flush and hotly replies “It wasn’t like that! I’ve never had a crush on him before! I mean remember that summer we barely talked to one another.” She fiddles with the rings on her finger before dropping her hands restlessly beside her.

Again a gentle chuckle travels across the phone lines, “Exactly. I know we never talked about it because you were so young back then, but even at my tender and distracted age, I could recognise the heart eyes you would throw at him.” Tessa winces and curls up just a little bit more on the bed. She can practically see Jordan’s arched brow, and that tiresome smirk twisting her lips. “I didn’t even know they were called heart eyes back then but I’m sure if we could find some of those old family photos,we could send them to Urban Dictionary. But to be fair, he used to follow you around like an adorable puppy as well.”

_Wait what?_ Tessa tries to remember back to those early days. She recalls the endless fun as Scott urged her to jump into the lake or into a snow pile with him. She remembers their special handhold and him leading her into the ice cream parlour after school or into the fun fair when it came into town. However she’s always seen herself as following that outgoing Moir boy around. Being so happy that he’s declared her to be his absolutely bestest friend.

Tessa shakes her head to clear away those goldenrod-tinged thoughts. “I don’t exactly recall that, but it’s really not like that now too. While it’s been great catching up and rediscovering our friendship, we’ve been really focused on making sure we get through each round. He’s actually started doing a lot of hip hop these last few years and has been helping me out, and he didn’t think he could be sexy in Latin, so I was trying to reassure him there.”

Tessa almost scoffs out loud in remembrance. Scott has been so nervous about having to shake his hips in the Cha Cha. After she pressed him, he had confessed he was worried he couldn’t get the Cuban motion right, and would drag down her performance with him. He then rambled on about how his body was just not meant to move in this manner and she ended up having to hug him to calm him down before they performed.

They had been great together though. The natural charisma, energy and passion in his performance actually brought up something more in Tessa’s own dancing. They were just having so much fun on stage.

And for one momentous second, when his eyes had locked with hers, the intensity behind them had captured and swept her away. She was in her own private musical with her leading man, and she had completely forgotten the judges, the other contestants on stage with them and the fact that they were still auditioning for their spots on the live shows.

“The most annoying thing actually is that the producers have somehow discovered we are reunited childhood besties and I think they might want to push that narrative if we make it through? They’ve asked us a whole bunch of extremely tiring and nosy questions.” Tessa frowns and bites her lip as she contemplates how to continue explaining her tangled feelings.

“I mean, we aren’t stupid, and we’ve been watching the show from the start so we know this could actually help us going forward. Make us more memorable than the other contestants if we make it to the voting rounds.” She trails off quietly, “I just don’t want any, you know, weird producer manipulation to taint anything.”

The rest of the call ends up with Jordan reminding her how she’s a warrior and how Tessa had said she always only wanted to audition for the show just for the whole experience of it. Her sister repeats how she’s gushed in the past about the opportunity to learn from all these wonderful choreographers and explore different dance styles. So she and Scott should just completely be themselves (but be mindful of intrusive cameras) because they wouldn’t enjoy the competition otherwise.

*****

Tessa constantly reminds herself of Jordan’s wise words over the next several weeks. It’s been crazy now that both Scott and her are embroiled in the chaos that is a reality television competition.

This season the producers had announced that they would be reverting back to the one male and one female winner concept. Also besides the prize money, the winners would be given the opportunity to join the upcoming production of “Bye Bye Birdie Live” starring Jennifer Lopez. The shared exhilaration that erupted from the contestants could not be contained, and Tessa finds herself once again swept into an exuberant hug with Scott.

“Holy crap, T! A real, proper musical… and on TV with J Lo!” Scott’s wide grin turns a little sheepish. “I’ve always had a bit of a crush on her,” he says as his gaze fades off into the distance, probably lost in some old teenage fantasy.

“Of course, I know.” Tessa rolls her eyes to their fellow contestants, Gabriella and Kaitlyn, who is standing beside them. “I think we can safely divide the boys here into two categories. The ones who have crushes on J Lo, and the ones who have a very different type of crush on her.”

The group then laughs as they watch a stream of “Mon Dieus” explode from Guillaume across the room as he exclaims how much he adores J Lo and aspires to be her.

“He’s not wrong though,” Kaitlyn thoughtfully adds. “I want to be like her too. She’s just so sexy. And coming from Latin Ballroom, her music is still being played at all my competitions. In fact, quite a few of my costumes were influenced by her.”

Kaitlyn sighs with a look down her body and Tessa immediately gets it. As a dancer, especially a female dancer, she’s always struggled with her body image. She knows that she is strong and sexy and powerful. She is proud of her muscles (and her six-pack) and how her body has been carefully honed and streamlined for her dancing. However there are times she wished she had just a smidge more curves that could capture the attention of Sco… guys.

“Well don’t tell me you aren’t excited about Bye Bye Birdie,” Scott interjects, back from whatever dreamland he had escaped to with J Lo. “Didn’t you make me watch that film...the one with Vanessa Williams?”

“Yes. I can’t believe you remember that.” Tessa beams back at him, giddy that he recalls watching this one specific tv film with her. She had always loved musicals and old films so poor Scott had been forced to watch a deluge of them during their weekends growing up. Scott just grins back, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze.

The truth is the chance to be part of a musical production and possibly with Scott, would be a dream come true.

Nevertheless, her happiness was also tinged with a hint of relief, at the declaration of there being joint winners. While Scott has shown every indication of being the most supportive friend a girl might have during a show like this, there was a tiny gnawing _maybe ugly_ part of Tessa who had been worried.

This was a competition and Tessa was a competitor.

Tessa knows Scott is just as competitive as her and probably twice as charismatic on camera. Her feelings had been all twisted and complicated trying to separate her competitive nature with their blossoming renewed friendship.

She tries to ignore the whisper in her head that maybe that twist in her stomach has nothing to do with competing with Scott. That maybe there’s another complicated factor at play here, making her feel all mixed up.

*****

The show had been randomly mixing up the couples and dance styles each week, and last week, the second week of competition. Tessa and Scott had been overjoyed to learn they would be paired together. Their amazing choreographers, Patrice and Marie-France, had conceptualised this beautiful routine about statues that come to life at night and dance together.

“Your motivation,” Marie-France explains to Scott, arm slung over Tessa’s shoulder, “is for both of you to become one statue.”

‘Turn To Stone’

<https://youtu.be/ZxpuyRGZ4Zs>

The week of rehearsal and the performance itself is everything Tessa can dream of. She has never felt so comfortable and connected in the rehearsal room or on stage before.

She even felt triumphant at the end of the routine when Scott and her receive a standing ovation from the judges and high praise about a perfect partnership and amazing chemistry. As words like “technical artistry” and “breath-taking” filter across from the judges’ table, Tessa thinks - _This could encapsulate my entire SYTYCD journey. I could go home tomorrow and still be satisfied that I had this routine and this experience._

She wishes she could bite back those words now.

This week she’s been paired with Eric, a jazz dancer, for a samba choreographed by Jean-Marc Généreux. She thinks they are both doing pretty well given they are outside their comfort zone, and she does love the pink fringe dress they’ve outfitted her in. However she is honest enough to admit that they lack that extra connection and also need to work harder on their technique.

The contestants are all backstage waiting to perform their respective numbers though, so she’s content to do another run-through with Eric, ensuring they have all the steps and timing down pat.

She’s distracted though. She tries to stop herself but her gaze slides back over to where Scott is similarly practicing his routine, a cute number set to “Tennessee Waltz”, with Gabriella. Tessa’s eyes narrow further when she sees the contemporary dancer lay her hand on Scott’s bicep and look up at him beneath lowered lashes.

It’s quite clear to Tessa that the younger girl has a big crush on Scott. She’s always just hanging around and trying to spend more time with him.

Yesterday, she even crashed Tessa and Scott’s daily pilgrimage to Starbucks. Tessa had been patiently waiting for Scott at the lobby (he’s always five minutes late), thinking about whether to order an almond milk cappuccino or a flat white, when the lift door opens and Gabriella had waltzed out clinging onto Scott.

Her presence had completely ruined the little ritual Tessa and Scott would usually fall into. They would squabble about who would pay for coffee (Scott would insist and win, because she’s not caffeinated enough yet), but she would pay for any snacks they pick up on the walk back (which still isn’t equitable because she’s always in the mood for a chocolate croissant or muffin, and Scott’s such a boy, he doesn’t get dessert).

Tessa recognises the now familiar curl of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. She _knows_ she’s being ridiculous. It doesn’t matter that she can’t imagine Scott ever being interested in this slip of a girl (who can be really snooty to the rest of the female contestants). Or that she knows Scott is the friendliest person alive and that everyone he meets falls a little bit in love with him - whether cast or crew like the production assistant (PA) that herds them around, or just the general public (she’s secretly been on those blogs and forums and she knows the fans adore him. They really like her too, but she understands the shows’ fans are mostly female and why they might prefer Scott over her).

What kills her though is that she has no say or control over anything. She’s aware that despite Scott and her best attempts to depict their platonic relationship in all the interview packages, there are some fans who think they would make a cute couple and “ship” them.

Sometimes she wants to internally scream “I KNOW! I know he might be the perfect guy for me!” But then she doesn’t want to delve further on how she’s really just allowed to be his newly reestablished best friend.

And what irks her more, is that she has no idea _who_ or _what_ his type really is.

_Does he like blondes, like Kaitlyn?_ Scott and Kaitlyn had performed a rather steamy Flamenco that first week to “Farrucas”, but Tessa had been secure in the knowledge that her roommate was happily engaged to her dance partner, Andrew (who unfortunately did not make it through the cuts during Academy Week). The few Skype calls Tessa had been unfortunate to overhear between them, were alarmingly gooey. But they don’t stop the sharp discomfort she feels when Kaitlyn’s covertly compliments Scott’s butt, even if Tessa recognizes that it’s pure objective appreciation.

_Or maybe he’s still pining over his ex-girlfriend, Cassandra?_ During one of their nightly hang-outs in each other’s rooms, Scott had shared how he was able to focus more on dance again during the months after the break-up. He had seemed a little choked up when describing how lucky he was to have picked up the application form and decide that this would be the year he would try and audition. She had always thought he was just thankful to successfully get on the show, but maybe he was grateful that he had something to focus and distract him from the break-up instead.

Tessa steals another glimpse towards Scott again. This time he’s looking directly at her. He flashes Tessa another one of those million-watted smiles, gives her a little goofy wave, and mouths “Love the outfit. Good luck!”, before he steps away on stage for his performance with Gabriella.

Tessa knows there’s no denying it now. She’s irrationally jealous of anyone who might capture his interest… because she might be falling in love with Scott Moir.

*****

Tessa panics silently as she hears the concept of the new dance she’ll be partnering with Scott. She hears Scott clear his throat roughly beside her and clarify “So we are long-time friends… deciding if we should be something more?”

“Yes, I’ve been working on this idea for awhile. Long-time childhood best friends, so there’s a lot of history there and things going on. So should you take that step? Should you cross it?” Patrick explains as he rubs his hands together in excitement.

Tessa’s head continues to spin wildly as she thinks. _Is there any way I can get out of this routine? Feinting an injury would be tough to fool the doctors… and I might end up having to forfeit the competition._

Just ten minutes ago she had been so exhilarated. Not only was she reunited with Scott, but Patrick, the brilliant runner-up from Season Two, was returning to the show to try his hand at choreography.

As Tessa grabs Scott’s hand for stability, she notices him giving a sharp glance at the cameraman, and then at the PA at the back of the room, and then back at Patrick. She sees his taut jawline and his grip on her hand seems to tighten almost painfully. Like he doesn’t realise she’s there.

_He thinks it’s a set-up!_ Tessa realises as she scans the room and she sees the PA hiding an amused smile.

She knows that choreographers come in with their own concepts and ideas, and sometimes don’t know when they will be activated or which dancers they will be working with. However she’s not naive enough to think the producers don’t give suggestions or sometimes manipulate things around. They control the whole format of the show after all. So what is the likelihood that of the three contemporary pieces that are being performed this week, Patrick gets assigned the two dancers that are actually childhood friends?

_Were they holding him back, hoping that Scott and Tessa would be paired up again because it would be a cute parallel?_ Tessa starts to fume - that internal spiral now being funneled straight towards anger. _Or even worse, can they actually tell I’m in love with him?_

She locks her panic up behind a forged gate of icy anger, and then plasters on a polite and overly-enthusiastic smile. “Really? I hope we can do it justice then.” A blank-faced Scott nods in unison, staring attentively at Patrick for the rest of the session.

Tessa can flail and have a panic attack alone later tonight under the covers of her bed. For now, she’ll learn the damn routine like the professional that she is.

*****

The walk back to Tessa’s room tonight is quiet. Usually they chatter away - about the Leafs’ game, about Alma’s promise to send a delivery of home-baked double chocolate chip cookies, about Tessa’s imaginary fashion line, and of course, they discuss how the competition is going.

This evening though, Scott seems lost in his thoughts and Tessa is still overwhelmed with the fact that Patrick wants them to kiss, to KISS at the end of the routine.

The routine itself is great. There are moves he’s created for them she’s never seen before and she’s so excited to try. They have a great prop, a locket, which she is slightly terrified she will clumsily drop as they throw it from one another. But if they execute the dance well, she’s sure the judges and fans will love it.

Through the whole afternoon, there had been a nervous layer of tension in her limbs as she and Scott had familiarised themselves with the steps of the dance. However at the same time, her body had relished the opportunity to be close to his. To discover the grooves and nooks in which they fit together.

In many ways, it was both torturous and carthatic to dance out all the anguish and emotions that have been swirling in her mind for months.

The suckerpunch though came right at the end of the routine and practice. They are in their final positions, Scott lying cradled in Tessa’s arms, when Patrick declares they should kiss desperately to resolve the narrative and draw out the emotion.

Tessa’s body stiffens and her green eyes widen as she leans down slowly, bending over towards Scott’s face. Their eyes meet and she sees his flicker intently. Then her heart breaks when he reaches up to peck her lips and turns away to Patrick - asking if he can practice his jump in the middle of the routine again.

It’s as if Scott had punched into her body and grabbed her heart in his hand. Even now she can feel the tightness and heaviness in her chest...

They stops at her room door and as she fumbles with her key, Scott passes along her gym bag he’s been carrying.

“You’re not coming in for awhile?” Tessa tries to produce another smile, but she’s too exhausted to pull it off convincingly.

Scott scratches the back of his neck and then quickly ruffles his hair. “I’m scheduled for a Skype call with Danny and Charlie tonight. Our moms show up together every week and cheer in the audience, but I haven’t spoken to my brothers in ages.”

“Oh ok. Goodnight. See you tomorrow morning then,” Tessa says in a small voice.

Scott begins to walk away but then turns back seriously. He grasps both of her hands and says, “Listen, I know today was a little weird. Because you’re you and I’m me… and this concept and dynamic is something you’ve never… we’ve never…” He trails off helplessly.

With her heart in her mouth, she watches something resolute cross Scott’s face as he finally says, “I just want to say no matter what, I love you and you’re my best friend. This is just a dance and we’re performers. Out there, on stage, in the competition, we’re that. But when we’re together here, we’re us.”

Tessa is still nodding like a defective bobblehead as he walks away.

*****

It’s the live shows again, and Tessa feels the familiar tingle and tremble of anticipation and nerves battling it out in her body. She tries to shake them out like she does each week, but this time, Scott pulls her aside and they hug.

The ringing in her ears dissipates and its like she’s enveloped into Scott, encased in a bubble underwater. There’s nothing else in the world but them, together. All she hears is their breathing harmonised together like an orchestral hymn..

When they finally let go of each other, there’s a clarity in her mind that she sees reflected in his astute gaze. Without a word, they walk out hand in hand onto the stage - and throw themselves wholeheartedly into the routine.

‘If It Kills Me’

<https://youtu.be/xk8ImwtnCug>

Unlike all their previous rehearsals, this time when they reach the end of the dance and the music starts to fade, Tessa goes for the kiss unreservedly. And so does Scott.

The moment their lips meet, she finds herself engulfed in that underwater bubble again. But this time instead of relaxing into some orchestral version of “Hallelujah”, she’s burning up like a Prince soundtrack, his guitar wailing lasciviously in the background. She hears a loud moan escape her, allowing his tongue to slip through her lips. One of his hands winds up the back of her neck and tugs at her hair, and the other slides down her arm...

Suddenly the bright studio lights flood the stage and she feels Scott wrench himself away from her. The thunderous applause finally starts to trickle into her consciousness, but all she can do is stare dumbly at his dazed expression.

The host of the show, Elvis rushes over, heartily congratulating their performance, but Tessa can only focus on Scott’s chest as he hoists her up to her feet. Trying to control her heavy panting, she can see his breaths are as erratic as her own, and without thinking, she places her palm over his heart.

The electricity thrumming under her skin sparks again and her whole world shifts from its axis - the gravitational pull settling down right over where their hands are now clasped, joined over his heart.

Though they both turn their aligned bodies towards the judges, she barely hears the judges or notices  the standing ovation (later she would have a vague recollection that the grumpy technical judge, Marina had tears running down her cheeks).

She only hears Scott’s ragged whisper in her ear. “I’m so in love with you Tessa, and I think I’ve always have been.” A laugh-cry bubbles up, escaping, leaping for joy. And all Tessa feels is pure and blinding happiness.

*****

 

**Author's Note:**

> I’m hoping any reader who is a fan of the show, enjoyed the dances I decided to select for Tessa and Scott. Trust me, when I say I had a lot of potential candidates, but I was always drawn back to If It Kills Me (for obvious reasons).
> 
> I was also drawn to Turn to Stone because I think the trajectory of Tessa and Scott would likely be similar to Melanie and Marko (except with extra, extra sexy tension).
> 
> I also used the US version of the show as inspiration as it’s the only version I have really watched - the only one showing in my country.


End file.
